


German Midget Car Porn

by serialkarma



Category: The OC
Genre: Car Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 19:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serialkarma/pseuds/serialkarma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oy. Finally, here is my entry for the OCFF. Everlasting gratitude to <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"><a href="http://hackthis.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://hackthis.livejournal.com/"><b>hackthis</b></a></span> for all her offers of help and encouragement when I got stuck, and then coming through with a super-speedy beta at the last minute. You are seriously the best, sweetie.</p>
<p>I had to change this around a little bit, once I realized that Seth doesn't know how to drive a stick shift. I hope you still like it, though, hon!</p>
    </blockquote>





	German Midget Car Porn

**Author's Note:**

> Oy. Finally, here is my entry for the OCFF. Everlasting gratitude to [](http://hackthis.livejournal.com/profile)[**hackthis**](http://hackthis.livejournal.com/) for all her offers of help and encouragement when I got stuck, and then coming through with a super-speedy beta at the last minute. You are seriously the best, sweetie.
> 
> I had to change this around a little bit, once I realized that Seth doesn't know how to drive a stick shift. I hope you still like it, though, hon!

Seth had learned a lot of things since Ryan had come to live with them. He’d learned that road trips to places that had easy access to drugs--like, say, Tijuana--with people who had addictive personalities--like, say, Marissa--were not generally a great idea. He’d learned that girls were as mind-bogglingly confusing as they were attractive. Not that that was a big shocker, but it had been good to have his suspicions confirmed.

And now, as if Ryan’s presence hadn’t broadened Seth’s horizon enough, he was learning that sex in a car was almost more trouble than it was worth. But only *almost*, because he was 17-years old, and really, sex was always worth it. It better be worth it, anyway, after all the trouble he and Ryan were going through.

It always looked so sexy in the movies--sweaty, yes, and maybe a little bit cramped, but definitely in that worth-the-discomfort way.

Except the movies and TV shows never mentioned the gear shift--which was really inconveniently placed--or banging your knee into the glove box, right at the sensitive spot that tingled all the way down to your toe. They never mentioned getting your hands trapped at angles that hands weren't meant to go, and then losing all feeling in your fingers because you were too busy sucking on someone's tongue to notice. Being distracted like that was all well and good, but then your hand started to *hurt* and that was distracting in the bad way.

Come to think of it, none of those sex-in-cars movies or TV shows had cars with bucket seats. Bucket seats were apparently designed specifically to discourage sex. What else could possibly be the point of bucket seats, anyway? What kind of aesthetic value did they really add to a car? Who invented them, people who had never been teenagers?

Also, all those cars in all those movies tended to be of the land-yacht variety, with back seats that were the size of beds. You never saw Lloyd Dobbler making out in a Volkswagen. They just didn't make cars like that anymore. Or maybe they'd never made BMWs, like his Dad's, like that.

BMWs were German, as were Volkswagens, and thus European, and Europeans all drove those funny tiny cars anyway, like in _The Bourne Identity_. Because Europe was so much smaller than America. As, evidently, were Europeans.

Seth wasn't a connoisseur of foreign films, but he bet there weren't a whole lot of German films that had sex scenes in cars. Unless they were midgets. German midgets. German midgets probably invented the bucket seat.

Seth’s reverie on bizarre German midget car porn was interrupted when Ryan bit his earlobe. Hard.

“Ow!”

Seth jumped, sort of, but he was kind of trapped between the door and the seat, and Ryan was draped over top of him. Also, his right foot was asleep.

“Was I boring you?”

“No! No, not bored! Just…I think I have a cramp.” He grimaced as he tried to moved and his hip twinged in a way that was distinctly not pleasant. “You know, I really didn’t think this would be so uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, the last time I made out in a car it was…a little bit bigger than your Dad’s Beamer.”

“Please, don’t remind me you have light years’ more experience than me, it kind of kills the mood.”

“Sorry.”

Seth shifted again, and Ryan took the hint and moved off his lap. Mostly. He ended up sitting sideways in the driver’s seat, his legs across Seth’s lap, an elbow propped on the steering wheel, but only after banging the horn in the process. Seth jumped, again. That was it; he’d had it.

"Look, this is has been spectacular--spectacularly unsuccessful, that is. Maybe we should just do what we really came out here for in the first place?"

"Isn't *this* why we really came out here?" Ryan’s glance managed to encompass themselves, the car, and the back corner of the student parking lot at Harbor, which was completed deserted for the summer.

"Actually, for once, no. I really did mean to teach you to drive stick, now that I know how. Everybody should know how, what if you have to commandeer a vehicle to chase criminals or something and all you can find is a five speed? Or drive a woman in labor to the hospital? Or--"

"Seth, I already know how to drive a manual. Everybody knows how to drive a manual.”

Ryan had the decency to look contrite when Seth bristled at the insult.

“I just meant that I thought you knew that,” he clarified.

"...NO. No, I *didn’t* because you didn't *tell* me. Why didn't you say so?"

"Because I thought it was code for 'let's go make out somewhere we won't get interrupted'!"

"No! No, it was code for 'let me teach you how to drive stick,' which really isn't a code at all, if you'll notice."

Ryan just stared. Seth sighed. Nobody had ever told him sex was going to be difficult. This was not a topic they covered in sex ed, and really, why was it called sex *education* if they weren’t going to cover the things that were really important to know? Like, for example, how *messy* sex was. And how you were almost always going to need to gulp down like three glasses of water immediately afterward. And why did he always have to pee, too? And, of course, how the movies *lied* about having sex in cars. That was incredibly unfair. Yet another thing to resent the Hollywood industrial-entertainment complex or whatever for.

“Hello? Earth to Seth?” Ryan’s hand was waving in front of his face and Seth blinked and turned to face him.

“Look, what do you want to do? We could try the back seat, but…” Ryan leaned up and peeked over the top of his seat, trying to gauge the size of the BMW’s rear seat.

“Dude, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m six feet tall. That back seat is, like, four foot nothing. Where will I put my legs?”

Ryan leered.

Seth’s mouth went dry and his face felt hot. He wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed or really turned on. Actually, the two generally went together, where he was concerned.

“Okay, right, that’s a good point, but still...” He turned to inspect the back seat himself. If they…and maybe he could...and then his legs went...He twisted a little bit farther and pins and needles shot up his right leg.

“Ow! Owowowowow. OW!” He twisted back and started rubbing his thigh, trying to work out the tingles. Maybe the back seat wasn’t a good idea just now.

“What’s wrong?”

“My leg was asleep and it just woke up. Serious mood killer,” he gritted out from between clenched teeth.

“Here let me help.” Ryan’s legs moved out of the way and suddenly Ryan was leaning over him, running his hands up and down Seth’s thigh and massaging gently. The tingles got worse for a moment and then began to die down. Seth leaned back in the seat and sighed. It occurred to him that maybe pleasure was really just relief from pain, and if so this was the most pleasurable thing ever. Well, almost.

And then maybe not “almost” at all, because Ryan’s hands hadn’t stopped yet, and they were sort of moving higher, and then they were *definitely* moving higher and maybe pins and needles weren’t so much a mood killer as a mood *delayer*.

“So, there are still some things we can do in here, don’t you think?” Ryan’s voice was husky and his eyes seemed glued to what his hands were doing to Seth.

Seth groaned and then nodded. “Apparently. And I’m okay if, you know, this is all we can do. Really. Hey, remind me to tell you later about this idea I had about German midgets and bucket seats.”

He really needed to learn when to just nod and smile, because Ryan’s hands stopped moving abruptly.

“Seth?”

“Um. Yeah?”

“I don’t think I’m going to remind you, because I really don’t think I want to know. Now are you going to shut up and let me make you come?”

“Shutting up. Right now.”

\--end--


End file.
